Everyday Listening Encourages Intimacy
One of the best ways to show love is by giving your spouse your time, attention and eye contact and be a good listener. This shows how important they are to you and the things they have to say. To listen beyond what they’re saying and into what they’re feeling. It is really intimate where your spouse trusts you enough to share something with you. The next time your spouse talks to you, try making eye contact with him/her and keeping that eye contact for as long as possible. This simple act can help improve the quality of your relationship!
When talking to your spouse, it's important to focus on what they are saying. You can do this by reducing distractions and listening with all your attention. This will make them feel appreciated and loved. Listening becomes a really important skill when it comes to communicating with your spouse. It's not just for ‘deep, heartfelt conversations about life', but is essential in every conversation you have with them.
Add this to your bucket list. Listening: The Forgotten Skill: A Self-Teaching Guide
You can make your relationship even deeper with your partner if you give them 100% of your attention when they speak to you. We all have a lot going on in our lives, and it can be an uphill battle to stay on top of things. Wouldn't it be nice if there were someone who could help you with the little things from time to time? Someone who would listen attentively, act on your behalf, show understanding and love, etc. — doesn't that sound great? Now your spouse is that someone for you.
Listening is essential in a relationship and it requires that we give all of our attention and energy to what our spouse is saying. If we want to experience the deepest connections with our spouses, we must be willing to listen. In essence, there will be a lot of forces working against you to prevent but you must work on it.
The average human attention span is now roughly 5 seconds, and we all know how difficult it can be to keep our spouses engaged for the entirety of a conversation. The key to having successful and happy relationships is to practice and improve your listening skills. Make use of every opportunity to communicate with your spouse as a chance to practice and improve your listening skills. Everybody can learn to be a better listener,
Now, be aware that there are plenty of distractions, preventing you from being a great listener, but that's what you should be focusing on. Your mind will wander. You will have things to do. You will be irritated, agitated, and you might also be keen to look at your phone, TV show or other distraction. Half-heartedly listening, selective hearing, taking offence of what is being said are also some of the usual distractions.
What To Do To Be A Good Listener
A good listener in a marriage recognizes the value of eye contact, validating the other person’s feelings and trying to fix less. Eye contact is important because it indicates that they are listening, listening is difficult if they are not making eye contact. Validating is important because it shows that they respect their partner's feelings and emotions. And lastly, fixing less means you don't jump in to solve the issue your spouse is discussing.
Great listeners don't try and fix things. They listen to their loved ones and provide a safe space for them to explore their thoughts and feelings. Great listeners can be emotionally expressive, but they're not afraid to show that they're listening and not judging.
Good listeners always try to act on what they hear their spouses say. However, this doesn't mean that they go out of their way to fix things for them or tell them what to do. Good listening helps you understand the other person's needs, wants, desires and many other facets of his personality.
Being an excellent listener involves responding in a way that is both genuine and kind. One should nod their head appropriately, make comments to further the conversation, and ask appropriate follow-up questions. Silence is also okay in this situation, as long as it feels like a sign of empathy and connection.
Despite the value of breaking down big topics into smaller ideas, you can still deliver a meaningful message to your spouse by talking openly with them – eye contact + listening skills are all you need.
Being a good listener doesn't just mean that you're giving the other person your attention. It means that you're listening to the words they are saying, but also to their tone of voice, their body language, and other non-verbal cues. It means that you're taking in what they are saying without making any assumptions or judgments.
In a world where we are fighting for equality, fighting to be heard, and fighting to be seen as equals to others. It is easy for the person who has been in a relationship the longest or has been married the longest to think they know everything about what their spouse needs. They may even feel entitled to use this against their spouse. But I want you to know that your marriage is not one battlefield, instead use every piece of information to enhance the relationship.
Marriage is a complicated relationship, even when it's working. At Itch of Love, we explore the ways we can build a stronger marriage and restore love into your marriage. I don't know about you, but I feel exceptionally happy when my spouse gives me his full attention. When he gives me his care and concern, support and listening heart? That's when love really starts to grow.
Great listeners are people who don't interrupt. They're also people who ask clarifying questions. This means they're actively engaged in the conversation and they're listening to what you're saying. They'll wait until you've finished speaking before they speak. This way, they can fully grasp the meaning of what you said and provide feedback on it.
There is no shame in apologising when you know you are wrong or acted in hurry and was unfair to your spouse. Trust me apologising will bring you both closer.
Listening Is A Learnable Skill
Listening might not be easy or fun for everyone but developing the skill can make a big difference in your marriage. With practice, it is possible to become a good listener which will nurture your marriage and let you avoid situations like the one in the story above.
Listening is important for not only the big conversations, when your spouse wants to talk about a problem or important decision, but also for the everyday, ordinary conversations (the ones that are almost always about nothing). Listening enables you to find out what is really going on with your partner and know what they need.
See what Russell Nelson an American religious leader said, “Taking time to talk is essential to keep lines of communication intact. If marriage is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time! Yet less important appointments are often given priority, leaving only leftover moments for listening to precious partners.”
If you are a person with an interest in a bit of meditation, I would recommend you to read The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communication in the Age of Distraction
Great listeners are understanding to the needs of their partners. They are empathetic and supportive via face to face interaction, phone, text or other mediums. Great listeners are also able to identify the emotions of their partners. Must provide comfort in times of distress and offer encouragement when needed. They typically offer feedback that is constructive while still being sympathetic.